(Health) Despite what Hollywood would have you believe, great sex doesn’t require mood lighting, a carefully curated playlist, or even extensive foreplay. In fact, if you wait for all those things to fall into place, you might never get it on at all.
“I often ask my clients, do you want to have some sex or do you want to have no sex?” says Holly Richmond, PhD, a sex therapist in Southern California. “Some people think the scene has to be set perfectly. They need to be showered, the sheets need to be clean, and the kids have to be with a babysitter.”
But the stars don’t have to align in order for you and your partner to have mind-blowing sex. In fact, an unplanned, I-have-to-have-you-now quickie can be even hotter than a drawn-out session between the sheets. “Quickies are fantastic because they are spontaneous and build excitement, two things people in long-term relationships crave,” says Richmond. Intrigued? Let us make the case for why you need to add more quickies to your life.
Quickies are perfect for busy partners
Since most of us feel pressed for time all the time, a quickie is one of the best ways to make sure you still get between the sheets—even if only for a few minutes. Richmond believes we’re all bound to benefit, especially parents of young children. “The reality of having a great sex life filled with sensual lovemaking sessions when you have a child under the age of four in the house is really hard to pull off,” she says. But stealing away five or 10 minutes during nap time? Totally doable.
Spontaneous sex is an energy booster
You know how something unexpected and surprising can really give you a jolt? It’s the same with sex: An unscheduled, lightning-fast hookup can be super energizing. You’ll get back to your day-to-day routine with a smile on your face while thinking, “Wow, I’ve already had this fantastic moment—and it literally might’ve just been a moment—with my partner,” says Richmond.
You’ll both feel wanted and desired
Even when you’re still in love with and attracted to your partner, the routine of work and home life can prevent you from feeling that crazy-hot desire that drew you to each other in the first place. It’s natural for couples in long-term relationships to see those fireworks fade, but quickies can bring them back. Knowing that your spouse suddenly needs you and feels desire for you will remind you of the early days of your relationship, when you probably couldn’t keep your hands off each other.
How to get in the quickie habit
The next time you and your SO settle into bed with your tablets—or you have 10 minutes before friends are coming over for game night, or as you stumble into the shower in the a.m. to get ready for the workday—suggest fooling around instead, advises Richmond. “It can be as simple as saying, ‘Hey, wanna have a quickie?’ or ‘How about we have five minutes of connection right now?’”
Of course, this isn’t to say that quickies should replace your candlelit late-night sex sessions, especially since it takes most women about 20 minutes to reach orgasm when they’re having sex with their partner, says Richmond. The reality of the quickie, then, is that most women probably won’t experience an orgasm every time. But that’s also not always the point, says Richmond.
“Do you want connection or do you want an orgasm?” asks Richmond. “Usually people want both, but they can get an orgasm by themselves. It’s that connection, novelty, and sense of fun and adventure that they crave, and that’s what a quickie can really deliver.”
By Anthea Levi